Shane O'Hare
WOLVERINE!Story Time WIth Tara
June 30th 2009 16:22
I have finally realize that all those high drama moments in soap operas and teen dramas, are in fact true stories. My coworker, Tara, has some of the most outrageous moments regarding teen relationships.
I have secured all the legal rights to her life story as a whole and I'm going to be bringing them to you in installments. Either as I fit for them to be seen, or when I get new stories from her.
First, lets start with a recent one. About a breakup that went horribly awry.
Tara is a 17 year old High School graduate, fresh into the adult world. Shes very excited for her adventures in college out of state, and for some reason, the MOST INTERESTING THINGS IN THE WORLD happen to her very regularly.
This story starts us with, at the time, her boyfriend Dylan. He's a tall lanky 19 year old male who drives an ice cream truck as a job. All in all, a pretty normal guy. Dylan is utterly and unequivocally in love with our Tara.
Tara as sculpted Dylan to me as a very sweet guy who would do anything for her and be completely there for her in any situation...and she can't stand him. The love that she used to have for him and the love he has for her is all but gone. When described, sexual intercourse was just "Not good.". I'm sorry Dylan, having a small penis makes sex "Not Good.".
Fast forward a week to the first night of the downward spiral of their relationship. Tara was attending a small get together with friends. Spirits were consumed. Beer Pong was played. All and all an enjoyable evening was in full swing. Upstairs, we find Tara, relaxing on a bed talking on the phone with her friend, and thats where things go devilishness wrong. A male friend of hers walked into the room, asking to sleep in the bed next to her because all the other ones were taken. She informed him that this would be a bad idea and he should rest on the floor. This did not bow well for our intruder. He wished to sleep like a MAN in the bed. Tara buckled, and let him sleep in the bed, but he must stay on his side....
...
..
.
Moments later they were embraced in the act of making out. Kissing, groping, barrel rolling, grinding. All the things you DON'T do when you are supposed to be sleep while staying on your side. All the things you DON'T do when you are in a relationship with a guy who loves you.
At this point I'm completely overcome with laughter. SHES 17 FOR CHRIST SAKE. Girls her age are supposed to be enjoying life, not tied down by a guy who is overbearing and drives a pedowagon, I mean an ice cream truck...though the moneys good....hmmmm.
BUT, our story doesn't end there. It gets better.She told him what happened, she had to because someone else would have told him and things would have been bad then. What came next was an over dramatic voice mail from Dylan, riddled with "WHY TARA??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!".
I wish, I wish with all the goodness in the world that I can get this voice mail off her phone and show it to you. I want you to feel the joy and humor I felt when I heard this.
So, he forgave her and life went on...but not for long. Fates cruel grip came back to Dylan's love life. and strangled it. STRANGLED IT DEAD AND LEFT IT IN A DITCH.
But thats for tomorrow, or next week. Depending on readership on this part of our story so far. Believe you me, the ending gets even better than this.
--Shane
"The soup of the day is WHISKEY!"
I have secured all the legal rights to her life story as a whole and I'm going to be bringing them to you in installments. Either as I fit for them to be seen, or when I get new stories from her.
First, lets start with a recent one. About a breakup that went horribly awry.
Tara is a 17 year old High School graduate, fresh into the adult world. Shes very excited for her adventures in college out of state, and for some reason, the MOST INTERESTING THINGS IN THE WORLD happen to her very regularly.
This story starts us with, at the time, her boyfriend Dylan. He's a tall lanky 19 year old male who drives an ice cream truck as a job. All in all, a pretty normal guy. Dylan is utterly and unequivocally in love with our Tara.
Tara as sculpted Dylan to me as a very sweet guy who would do anything for her and be completely there for her in any situation...and she can't stand him. The love that she used to have for him and the love he has for her is all but gone. When described, sexual intercourse was just "Not good.". I'm sorry Dylan, having a small penis makes sex "Not Good.".
Fast forward a week to the first night of the downward spiral of their relationship. Tara was attending a small get together with friends. Spirits were consumed. Beer Pong was played. All and all an enjoyable evening was in full swing. Upstairs, we find Tara, relaxing on a bed talking on the phone with her friend, and thats where things go devilishness wrong. A male friend of hers walked into the room, asking to sleep in the bed next to her because all the other ones were taken. She informed him that this would be a bad idea and he should rest on the floor. This did not bow well for our intruder. He wished to sleep like a MAN in the bed. Tara buckled, and let him sleep in the bed, but he must stay on his side....
...
..
.
Moments later they were embraced in the act of making out. Kissing, groping, barrel rolling, grinding. All the things you DON'T do when you are supposed to be sleep while staying on your side. All the things you DON'T do when you are in a relationship with a guy who loves you.
At this point I'm completely overcome with laughter. SHES 17 FOR CHRIST SAKE. Girls her age are supposed to be enjoying life, not tied down by a guy who is overbearing and drives a pedowagon, I mean an ice cream truck...though the moneys good....hmmmm.
BUT, our story doesn't end there. It gets better.She told him what happened, she had to because someone else would have told him and things would have been bad then. What came next was an over dramatic voice mail from Dylan, riddled with "WHY TARA??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!".
I wish, I wish with all the goodness in the world that I can get this voice mail off her phone and show it to you. I want you to feel the joy and humor I felt when I heard this.
So, he forgave her and life went on...but not for long. Fates cruel grip came back to Dylan's love life. and strangled it. STRANGLED IT DEAD AND LEFT IT IN A DITCH.
But thats for tomorrow, or next week. Depending on readership on this part of our story so far. Believe you me, the ending gets even better than this.
--Shane
"The soup of the day is WHISKEY!"
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